As You Can See

There are things you do when someone dies. One of those things is to call everyone, seemingly, in the world, and keep ruining people's days with the bad news. I had never done this until my mom died. The people who are close, that are really upset, are difficult people to tell. But maybe more difficult are the people you haven't spoken to in years. 

My godmother was one of these people. We sort of lost touch somewhere in there. She lives in Virginia and she was my father's best friend. She did a wonderful job after he died of keeping up with me, but as I got older we lost touch a bit. But I wanted her to know that my mom had died. I only had an address, so I wrote her. She wrote back quickly with her number and we spoke on the phone shortly after that. We've been corresponding ever since. It's been really, really good. She knew my father before my mom  did, and she even met my grandmother--my parents met after my grandmother died. She still calls my dad "Danny" and referred to him as "one of the greatest men I ever knew." She said he was the one you'd call when you needed something, and he'd be there. Car trouble, family trouble, whatever. She told me the story, from my dad's perspective, of my parent's meeting. She has brought nuance to stories and vague remembrances. In her eyes, my dad was a real person. I don't remember enough of him for him to be real to me. 

She's been going through photos and has been sending me some of my parents, of me as a baby, and of her. There were several of my mom sitting at a piano, playing while everyone sang at a Christmas party. This was before I was born. When I look at that I think that the years I am living right now are the years my children will never know. These are the mystery years that are a part of me but that will never really be real to my kids. And I'm just old enough to understand, I think, that my parents were people before they were parents. 

I got a card today from my godmother with more photos. At the end of her note she says, "As you can see your mom has a problem, while pregnant, with swelling." There is a photo included of my mom with her legs propped up, ankles swollen. And I thought about how I won't have her to call when I'm pregnant and swollen. But I'm hoping to take advantage of the relationships I do have, like with my godmother, and other women in my life.