Getting it right

I've been absent, obviously. I did make a promise to myself that I would post something each and every day here, but I think I have learned that as long as I am writing something, somewhere, every day, I can't get to upset at myself. Part of it too is that some days I just don't have room to process any more about my mom, or D, my adopted dad. Some days these things are not at the front of my brain, and I want to keep it that way. To come here and conjure it up is healing, most days. Some days it is better to snap the top off of a beer and sit on my roof, gazing at my city skyline and reflecting. Or talking about work with my husband. Or not work. Or go see a friend. Some days these things are what I need in order to keep moving past it all.

I've also been working on something that I'm not really able to disclose yet. But it is exciting, and healing too in a way. 

I've noticed that the further removed I become from my losses, I am able to think about the person with happiness and not just bitter sadness. This morning, I am thinking about D, my adopted dad, and his laugh. I am thinking about his hug that wrapped my tiny frame. But this morning I can smile about it. That's progress.

Last fall, D married P and I. We didn't want a religious ceremony, and D jokingly said he would "just fuckin' do it." So, he went online and get ordained.

The smile on his face here makes me so happy. It's nice to know that while my mom was not there, I had D there to show his approval, to tell me he thought "I finally got it right this time."